Thursday, December 22, 2011

Channeling Loren

flickr photo by 'developmentcorporate' (only name given), which I used in my Hitchens blog for several symbolic reasons, including that the windmill looks almost like a cross, plus Loren after a hike by his friend Linda with Florida Trails Association.

I must be channeling my dearly beloved brother Loren, or is it Christopher Hitchens?  My rants are becoming more acerbic, strident, defiant.  When I read my blogs I am almost surprised at the outrage they express.  I never thought I’d be so openly critical of Obama, for example. The state of the economy, fine. The end of the "NOTHING ACCOMPLISHED" war in Iraq, okay.  But Obama's been kind of off-limits, and my friends remind me when they defend against my attacks.  As one wrote in  response to one of my blogs, “Lots of truth there, Fran, but kind of harsh!” 

Yeah. Wow. But you know what?  I think this is the first time I am hearing from my brother since he died too fast, too early on his last hike along the Aucilla River in northern Florida.  All of a sudden he was gone, and I am still unbelieving. I look for him. I look for any signs.

Loren wasn’t one to screen his thoughts and ideas.  I seem to be following in his footsteps lately.  I certainly wasn’t so critical during my Peace Corps years in Ukraine. I kept my thoughts to myself and went with the flow.  Except when Loren and I emailed.

Now I seem to be ranting against injustice and inequality like an occupied Wallstreeter. It’s not always the best thing to do, or perhaps I should say the best way to do it.  Maybe this is an excuse, but somehow I feel Loren’s spirit when I rant about things I know he cared about, and I am moved.  I cry for my brother, whose insights and honesty, and outrage and anger, were unsullied.     

Unsullied. That's the key.  I don't think I can match that.  I could tone down the rhetoric, as we used to advice Loren from time to time.  But then it wouldn’t be Loren, or me, and I’d be channeling someone else.    Maybe it's Christopher Hitchens, but not as eloquent!  
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